Discipleship

"Resilience is part of repentance, showing we have faith to try again...Resilience is really an affirmation of our true identities as spirit sons and daughters of God. We need not be permanently put down, because we can be "lifted up" by applying Christ's atonement (Alma 36:3). The "infinite atonement" thus can apply to our finite failures (Alma 34:12)." --Neal A. Maxwell, The Promise of Discipleship

I love Neal A. Maxwell; I love him so much that we briefly considered the name "Maxwell" for our baby Charles (now Levi). The strength of his work is definitely in his ideas and analogies. The writing itself is clear and fine, but let's face it he's no Marilynne Robinson and that's not his intention, either. (He may use as many exclamation points as commas...which would make listening to him read his work more enjoyable). The chapters in The Promise of Discipleship connect but could be read individually. Search these topics: long-suffering, the Holy Ghost, paradise/prison, mortal purpose, repentance, return. All of this could probably enter the broad category of restoration that Alma discusses--our restoration to God the Father in celestial glory as well as the restoration of God's truth to us on earth. An interesting cycle I still don't comprehend.

I like the thought that we must be divinely determined to repent and continue forward. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm human and I don't have to feel guilty about that reality: move forward. To believe that mortality is actually the smallest portion of our existence requires a lot of faith. My faith in this concept fluctuates between desire-to-believe and faith. Eternal perspective is not easy for me to maintain, unfortunately. There is so much I'd like to know, to remember. Maxwell points out that people have individualized experiences for their development on earth in part because we all came here with different "baggage": we're all on different planes of progression. One might need to learn more patience, while another has patience but needs to be tried with humility. What did I bring with me? A lot of love and resistance to use it. Overactive imagination. Mostly a desire to learn.

When I was younger (okay, and now too) I would often sit in a frenzy of thought trying to figure out what I didn't know and how I could learn. The scriptures promise that the righteous will have the mysteries of God unfolded to them, that the Spirit will enlighten and enlarge the understanding--but when? How? What is it? How much am I really missing? (This is not a question I actually want answered, I don't think I could handle the discouragement in this mortal state. And yes, I am one of those lacking in patience. Levi assures me he will help me in this area.) What questions should I ask? What do I need to know now? What precept upon precept should I follow?

I crave discipleship and fear my own failure. Thus, resilience resilience resilience.