I'm a totally awesome Mom. You unrolled the entire roll of toilet paper? Okay, fine, take it to the toy room and rip it up, but I'm not cleaning it. You are!

This morning we celebrated Joseph Smith’s birthday by singing and blowing out candles (in bran muffins). We celebrated the Sunday before Christmas by opening our books. The boys are particularly excited about the Big Machines books; Wesley and I enjoy our BYU Studies journals addressed to James E. Faust. We love this tradition. Although we miss the anticipatory time with family, we enjoy this time to form our own little traditions with devotionals, singing, stockings, gifts, and way more food than we need.

Zilker Park revived “The Trail of Lights” this year. Zilker is one of the biggest parks in downtown Austin, famous for a huge tree made of lights. They solicit businesses and (select) families to make light displays, then the public can walk through it for free. Light tunnels, trains, cutouts, all of that. A fire truck. Concessions. Even live music. All for free. We thought a Monday night would not be too crowded—wrong! We left our house at 5:30. The supposedly 20 minute drive turned into almost two and a half hours due to traffic all going to the same place! We arrived back home a little after 10:00 with tired boys. It was fun, but so crowded the boys couldn’t see very well. We did park at a mall then shuttle over in a school bus. This was the highlight of the week.

We invited friends to join us for our holiday dinner on Friday—you just can’t beat ham with fresh crescent rolls, sweet potatoes, steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, green salad, fresh fruit, and pumpkin pie. Yum. We’re eating (then freezing) leftovers until we leave Tuesday evening. The boys slid into performance mode for our friends, to their great entertainment. Our friends were also impressed by the enthusiastic versions of the alphabet song linked with athletic prowess. These boys know how to throw and run and climb. I moved the piano bench after Lincoln embraced the nativity on the mantle, but they turned over the car seat belonging to our friends and tramped across the keys. Ah, life with boys. Then again, when the Primary sang for the Christmas program a little girl (maybe 5?) resisted going up. When her mom finally convinced her to join the group, she dramatically rolled her eyes and mumbled the song. Ah…life with boys! Levi chucked one of his trucks across the aisle shortly after that. I’ll take it.

Levi tells knock-knock jokes. We don’t know where he found this ability; we don’t tell knock-knock jokes (or didn’t before this). He has one joke in a fast language stream: “Knockknockwho’sthere. Anyone. Anyone who. Anyone no one. Goodbye.” He made books out of index cards all week to help him (somehow) in his missionary work. He rediscovered snuggling during rest time. For some reason, he’s wanted us to hold and carry him all of a sudden. This is to the point that he cries at the top of the stairs when I can’t or won’t carry him, usually due to feeding Keller. He waited through an entire feeding before I came up. When his brothers nap, we read stories and have quiet time. He just directed Wes, “This is how we snuggle.” He also informs me that he wants “small kisses” from me. I guess this is opposed to horse kisses? Sweet boy. When Keller started crying in the car, Levi told me that he “will talk to the baby so he will not be sad.” Levi fell asleep on our way home from the temple and woke up when we stopped, wailing, “I want to be at the temple!”

One morning around three a.m. Lincoln sauntered wide awake into our room. We said, “The sun is not awake yet. It’s still time for sleep.” To our astonishment, he turned around, went to his room, and shut the door tight. He didn’t come out again until 7. Wow. Even when he’s exhausted he acts pretty much the same, but the late nights have been wearing on him. He’s fighting a cold again and is wired as he runs laps around the house saying, “Football player!” When we went to the temple yesterday, he dashed straight to the grass, “Football player!” He spent hours this week throwing, chasing, and falling (in place of tackling, phew!). All this exercise is essential since he adores sweets. Peanut butter cups, cookies, pie, candy canes, he wants it all. He also sings impressively well. I love “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” so the boys have heard it a lot. Lincoln sings, “Rejoice! Rejoice!” on the right notes. “Frosty the Snowman” and “Jingle Bells” are his favorites. He dances all over, singing along.

Keller had his two-month well check on Wednesday and weighed in at almost13 pounds. He may barf, but it doesn’t seem to impact his growth! He’s in the 75^th percentile for weight and 85^th for length. He’s showing signs of being able to extend his night time sleep and has done quite well at night (despite some crazy scheduling). He loves, loves his brothers. Lincoln likes to kiss him on his tummy and back. Keller stares at him like he’s crazy. But if Lincoln just looks at him and talks, Keller kicks and wiggles and coos emphatically. I wonder if the big boys have helped him practice the pouty lip, because Keller can giggle and smile then swoop into the most pathetic little sad face. Darling. I shouldn’t love it, but I do. I love seeing his personality come through; he’s amazingly tolerant. I’m grateful. He’s excited to be cuddled by you!

Other stuff happened. Here’s a review: I read an interesting YA biography of Charles and Emma Darwin, The Darwins’ Leap of Faith. Interesting and worthwhile. Wesley has been problem solving and discovering new things for his models. Our home teacher is from Mexico and agreed to speak Spanish with us—in fact, he taught the lesson in Spanish (Levi kept looking at us like, “What the--?”) We basked in a few 80 degree days and now we’re down to the 50s. And somehow most of the gifts have not been demolished. Merry Christmas to all and we’ll see you that night!

This taken at 10:30 p.m. "HI!" he says.

Monday night Wesley put Lincoln in his pack-n-play for a timeout. Lincoln’s mischievous smile gleamed as he pretended to reach his leg over the top; then he stopped pretending because he realized he could actually get his leg over it. The next thing we knew he was gleefully plopping out of the pack-n-play. We thought, “Not a big deal, we’ll put the gate up. It worked with Levi!” But children are not the same. Lincoln climbed over the gate in less than two seconds. Levi finally fell asleep through the craziness (he’d been up early, before six I think), and Lincoln continued to climb out, over, and down the stairs to join us. He fell asleep close to eleven. Tuesday we brought in the big boy beds to their rooms. Then we adventured out to buy security locks. The unexpected transition has been better than anticipated. Ongoing, of course, and exciting for them, funny for us. Tiring for the group.

Lincoln’s new discovery doesn’t help his already thin caution. He walked across the piano keys rearranging the nativity on the mantel. He squeezed halfway out of the stair railing onto the (tall!) bookcase. He walks along window ledges. He flicks the gas stove. He runs, screaming, everywhere. His nursery leaders told me today that he’s so “cute and funny” because he’s completely silent until someone starts encroaching on his space: then, he shrieks. That’s my territorial boy! Now I understand why people enroll their young children in gymnastics. And through all this, he’s decided to be scared of things because Levi has reservations. Today in the leaves, “Ladybug! Scared! Scared! SMASH IT!” Oh my crazy cat.

Levi grasps “why” and I hope we never hear the end of it. “Why did Jesus get baptized? Why do we get baptized?” then 12 more questions ending, “Why did Jesus get baptized?” “Why does Heavenly Father live in the sky? What he do there? Why?” During dinner one night, Lincoln let his voice be heard in Ukraine (I’m really feeling some regret here for all the practice I did as a little girl to be Eponine—screaming), and Levi responds calmly, “Why you scream, Lincoln? Why you do that? Lincoln, why you scream? Talk to me Lincoln!” His obsession with the correctly coordinated clothes continues; he even added a segment of changing clothes into his baptism play. On most days he dresses us all to match according to what Wes wears. He can’t choose his pajamas when he gets five check marks in a day. Wes chose some that didn’t match (unbeknownst to him!)—Levi couldn’t believe the indignity that he actually had to wear it all night long.

This is also the week that we decided to help Keller get on a better schedule, particularly at night. He puts himself mostly to sleep now—in spite of the squealing in the next room. I’ve been taking a natural supplement that seems to be helping the reflux/gas/pain, but we still reek at the end of the day. But he’s a fatso; gaining weight is not something he struggles with. At least the volume has decreased and he has slept around 5 hours straight. Go Keller! I wish I didn’t want to snuggle him so much; that would make teaching him to sleep easier. Alas. He started chuckling this week with a few real non-gas smiles. I love this part. He’s showing signs of an early crawler. Already he wants to keep up with the brethren.

The big news of the week (aside from the Christmas tree still standing): I went grocery shopping with all three boys on my own. I know that sounds silly. I’m still proud of myself. We went to a puppet show at the library. All of them loved it, danced, and shout-whispered their delight. Keller included. We visited our friend in Manor whose baby passed away soon after birth. The boys love her. I hope we brought comfort rather than pain. They’re the type of people who should have been in the City of Enoch and the last year has been bam-bam-bam. If they need refinement, I can’t even begin to imagine the sanding I need.

We attended the ward Christmas party. We had to leave the talent show early to start the bedtime stuff, but the boys wanted to stay so bad. A guy in our ward is a country singer (for a living). Check him out: Nate Burnham. We watched the Powell kids on Saturday. Julia is five, Alexander is two. Lincoln and Alexander beamed at each other. Levi and Julia transformed into snow monsters. In short: a jolly grand time. We look forward to playing with them again. Levi has prayed for his friends lately—not just the imaginary ones—so Lincoln joins in. Melts my heart.

Wesley and I don’t remember anything else from the week. I’m sure it was great.

Our Christmas tree sparkles, the music plays, and outside the sun shines on a lovely 80 degree day. Wesley says he hasn’t stopped sweating since we got to Texas; he means for the last two and a half years. But, here we are with “Christmas in Austin, with all of our friends!” or as George Straight says, “They may not have snow in San Antonio—but it’s a Texas Christmas to me!” How many other states and cities do you know with their own set of Christmas songs, eh?

 

A catch up from last week: primarily, Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is becoming one of my favorite holidays—perhaps because I like inviting people to my turf where I can still wash the dishes and my usual means of celebration includes food. This year Talha, Shu, and the Freeman family joined us. Talha came our first year. He’s from Pakistan and a devoted Muslim. I love talking to him because our brief conversations strengthen my faith. He’s a very good man. Shu is from China. This was his first American culture experience outside of UT. He’d never been in an American home or eaten American food. Somehow we allowed him to eat pecan pie. What were we thinking? His digestive system is probably still recovering from all the unfamiliar food. And we were ecstatic to have the Freemans from the ward and get to know them better. We found out later that they wouldn’t have had a celebration otherwise. Well, come over! The food turned out reasonably, the pecans from our tree did create a nice pie, everything was warm at the same time, and our traditional Pictionary game entertained us (as usual). The boys welcomed everyone into our home with a mixture of enthusiastic and shy kindness. Such sweet boys.

The next day I asked Lincoln what he wanted to do: “Go HEB” (the grocery store). What should we get there? “BUDDY BUCKS!” So we did. Who shops for groceries the day after Thanksgiving? Not many people! It might be a new tradition. We also went on a little “hike” and saw a few leaves changing to brilliant red and orange. We found a stretch of white rocks which Levi and Lincoln promptly built into “snowmen.” Saturday we completed our party by going to the temple. What better way to give thanks? This is the first time Keller and I have gone since his birth. We both loved being there. Levi gleefully shouted, “KELLER MORONI COLE! Moroni’s on the temple! KELLER MORONI COLE!” Lincoln has been singing “I Love to See the Temple” all week. If these kids don’t learn anything else, I hope they know their parents love the Lord and His house.

Have we mentioned that Wes is on the ChE graduate student council? He is the “enrichment chair” which means he organizes events (one or two a semester) to further educate and prepare them for life beyond graduation. The first event was held Tuesday: a panel discussion for the ChE grad students with Elaine (from NREL), a professor, and a person who works in a chemical engineering start-up company. The students asked questions about working in their various places and how to prepare, etc. Turned out well. Hurrah! He has also been finalizing a paper for publication, figuring out another model to turn into a paper hopefully before Christmas, writing the final exam with Dr. Edgar for the class he TAs, helping students, collaborating on other research projects, and slowly regaining his health. Having a productive week may have boosted him as much as any medication. Now—we need to get him some consistent sleep! According to the baby books, I should just put him in his crib and let him put himself to sleep. I struggle leaving him alone, shutting my trap, and letting him rest. Alas. Someday he’ll sleep through the night. Ha!

The Monday before Thanksgiving, we took Keller into the doctor for reflux stuff. We’re wet most of the time from how much he spits up. Poor guy. Yet—he’s still gaining weight! The main issue is helping him sleep and establish a routine through the discomfort. We’ve been trying some medication, but it doesn’t seem to be working and I just feel funny about it. So, this week we’re trying something new that Hollie Rae connected me with, hoping it will help. Even with the barf, he’s darling. He coos and watches his brothers. He loves bath time, has a low tolerance for even wet diapers, and snuggles snuggles snuggles. I love that he snuggles. When we put him down for tummy time he tries his best to crawl and roll. I’m not even thinking about what he’ll climb and throw and discover—I don’t have to think about it because I chase it with Levi and Lincoln. They’re really awesome teachers.

Lincoln has a whisper voice. He uses it when he learns a new word or when something is special. He often whispers, “Baby Keller!” and “pecan!” My friend Amy came over last week with loads of pomegranates and Lincoln Logs. She’s a native Texan and the boys adore her. She taught them carefully to say: pa-khan, not “Pee-can. That’s a port-a-potty.” So Lincoln walks around whispering “pecan” and screaming high pitched wordless things between yelling “RUNRUNRUN!” He locks and unlocks doors. He can’t reach the lock on the front door, but if we miss it I’m the one runrunrunning. I put Keller down for a nap and heard the door open. I caught Lincoln almost to the stop sign (about four houses down) narrating how he was picking up kids from the bus! Ugh! He pretends to be nervous in new situations, but as soon as he scopes out the situation, he’s ready to take over. I think I’ll have to retire Christmas ornaments for a while. I keep waiting for him to scale the tree. Thankfully, he has yoga to calm him. Goofball.

Levi wants to be exactly like Daddy, but his daddy keeps laughing because the kid obviously lives with his obsessive mother. We finished a box of crackers during snack time. He needed to wash his hands, then he read the box, folded it up (“just like Daddy!”) and recycled it. Since Dad home teaches and visits people, Levi gathers his church pictures in a bag so he can take them to nursery, share them, and “teach the people about Jesus.” He’s very concerned for their foundation of knowledge. This week he told us, “We need to talk about…” fill in the blank with pointing down in the potty, putting away toys, not shouting in Keller’s face…Yes, we do need to talk about things, but then we have to change, too! Ha! I ventured to a store with the boys to look at Christmas stuff. Levi found a garish, glittered, enormous ornament that he carried all over saying, “I just need to think about this one…”

We didn’t come home with the ornament, but we did score the perfect little tree for Wesley’s office. So, for the first time in five years I’ve given him a gift he’s excited about. Finally!  

Elder Ballard promised that if we pray each morning for guidance to serve others, seeking with our “heart full of faith and love,” that we “will discover opportunities to serve that [we] never before realized were possible.” So we’ve been trying to focus more. We’ve had some tender, beautiful little experiences as we’ve prayed and acted. People show up at the park seemingly randomly when we didn’t mean to go there anyway. We share a conversation with our neighbor. We’ve been prompted to call, to ask, to reach out in ways that are natural and yet a new natural for us. It’s been a blessing. We’re over-blessed. We recognize this and have concluded that we need to stop asking why? and simply ask, “How can we build the kingdom and serve the Lord more as a result?” So we try. We improve. We’re grateful.

 (last week's letter)

Wes came home with fever and chills and another strain of gunk. We prayed that we could all be well enough to go to church together. So off we went this morning. We walked through the doors and their noses cleared up. We stopped coughing. No crazy trips to the bathroom for anyone. We stayed all three blocks. When the boys and I returned home (Wes had meetings) their noses drained again. When Wes walked through the door, his chills returned. (We feel better this evening.) What a miracle! We decided we needed to exercise true faith and increase our gratitude and education through being sick—and we’re given great gifts. Amazingly enough, we’ve all been gross yet able to plug away (avoiding human contact). We’ll count our blessings.

Keller had his 4-week appointment. He is over 10.5 pounds. Yes: he has gained close to 3 since birth! He’s a chunk and loves eating. I’m worried about some reflux issues, though. He’s been losing everything. He’s fighting our sickness(es) as well, but pulling through thus far. He touched Lincoln’s cheek while flailing. Lincoln held his hand to his cheek, smiling, saying, “Keller touch cheek! Again! Again!” With attention like that, our Keller feller continues to thrive.

I covered Lincoln with a blanket in the middle of the night, he rolled over murmuring, “Motorcycle!” dreamily. He pretends to sleep with his eyes squished shut, then he opens them shouting, “AWAKE!”  He loves dancing—particularly to the ABCs. We blasted some music and twirled around the house. “Again! Again!” When we start counting (for any reason) he picks up on the numbers and speeds us forward. I have given the “keeping up” with him part to our angelic host. My goal is simply to help him survive to age 5. Anything beyond that we consider sprinkles (which he discovered and loves).

Shouting seems to have increased since Keller’s birth. And screaming. I try to be patient. But after long and varied approaches to our “outside voices” I finally put Levi in a time out in the backyard. He stressed about his socks getting dirty. He’s such a steady big brother and a huge help (sorting laundry, organizing everything, checking on the baby as soon as he wakes up). We all want to test the boundaries sometimes. He told me this week that he plays with his toys in bed at night when he “has a hard time going to sleep.” I wondered what that sound was.

We took dinner to a sister in the ward. She told me she had a dog in passing; I forgot. Levi and Lincoln clutched each other as they slowly ascended the scary cement stairs to her complex (in the dark!) while I balanced dinner and screaming Keller. They all listened very attentively, staying close to me. Then she opened the door, the dog ran out, growling, barking, and jumping all over them. So I had three boys screaming and climbing up me frantically (with good reason) while trying not to slosh soup or drop anyone. The lady finally took the food and I scooped up my boyos as she shut the door. I don’t know that I built any friendships that evening. Levi and Lincoln regrouped, we all hugged and breathed, and they calmly recounted the experience to Wes when he came home from work. They really are so brave. I’m proud of them. Despite their fear, they tried to protect the food, too. They tried not to scream but to say, “help me,” (as practiced) instead. What sweet boys.

I saw my gynecologist this week and all looks well. I had to have an eye exam to renew my glasses prescription. In both appointments people asked me if we’re done having kids. I sure hope not. I know it probably sounds crazy—but we feel more complete with Keller around. Our third little dude just increases our excitement and anticipation for any others we might have. People look at me like, “You’re 25 with three kids three and under and you actually want more? And more than one more? Good luck, honey.” We all wish each other well. And some days I need all the luck they can wish. Thankfully, we just follow the Spirit and pray for daily guidance knowing somehow we’ll make it one day at a time.

Happy Veteran's Day

 Cool in his sunglasses

I try to change Keller's diaper and the next thing I know the big boys start suctioning their ears!

 Eating lunch at the park

Happy Veteran’s Day! And hurrah for Royal! We’re so excited for you! Onward Christian soldier!

We’re celebrating the fifth week of sickness. It started with the flu shot, morphed into ear infections, colds, and Lincoln (who leads the way in these things) happily showed us diarrhea last night and today. In fact, he stuck a toy into his messy diaper and pulled it out to show us. Good grief! This morning Levi woke at 2:30 and didn’t go back to sleep until 5:15. He tried. He sat with me while I nursed Keller (“Which side are you on now? Left or right?”), tried to read stories, and finally fell asleep when Wes stayed next to him. We’ve mostly lost our brains. On Friday, Wesley saw a bus, thought it was his and ran for it. He ended up quite a ways from where we live. Our date night turned into an adventure to grab him: we call this sleep deprivation and sickness.

On Monday, I agreed to sell my copyright to BYU for the course I made. While I know this is probably the best thing to do, I’m a little devastated (as in, I’ve been a total monster). It feels like intellectual prostitution. Maybe I’m dramatic. Hard to imagine, I know. Thankfully, since we’ve entered the third postpartum week (my boundary for rediscovering “normal”), my recumbent bike pulled the whole family through my growling.

When I asked Levi what treat he wanted after lunch one day he told me that he was fasting until he baptized Peter. He has “fasted” periodically all week. Lincoln said his own prayer last night: “Mommy, Daddy, LeVI, Baby Keller, AMEN!” then he clapped.   

All the boys love the double stroller. Phew! This means we walked to the park a few times with him cheering. Keller falls asleep. Levi holds onto a string tied to the stroller handle. This worked well for the library/story time and grocery shopping. Ah, the miracle of string.

Keller grew, spit up, and accepted lots of kisses this week. I’m amazed the only sign of sickness he’s shown is a little bit of mucus. He’s quite the pleasant little guy. We love when he’s awake because he seems so excited about everything. He delights all of us. What a gift to finally have him here! Three and a half weeks! That isn’t very long, but look what’s happened!

I think that will cover it for now.