Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers! Especially happy to our dads. Your cards are in the mail, belatedly. We are so grateful for you, your example, and your diligence in providing for us spiritually and physically. I don’t think we comprehended the weight you carry (and we still probably don’t!) until we reached parenthood ourselves. We feel privileged that we can continue to turn to you for guidance, your opinions, and just get to know you as we progress along. Occasionally I look at our crazy, darling little boys and catch a glimpse of their great heritage—particularly their grandparents. I am honored to see a piece of Chad Cole or Corrie Keller coming through. No wonder they will be able to do anything. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being our dads. Thank you for loving us still.

And Wesley. I will never be able to say enough about Wesley. I don’t even have the words. He cares for all of us with such patience and understanding. When home he is fully home. When we started dating I thought he was about as near to perfection as you could get (and I was right) and now I’m amazed to see he continues to develop and grow steadily. I am constantly impressed with Wesley Cole and so grateful he’s my husband (!) and the tender father of our children. Who prayed these blessings upon me? What a wonderful, wonderful man. I am in awe of him.

The week just melted away. I had things written on my list…and they remain primarily on the list. A few times Wes and I have looked at each other (or collapsed too late into bed) saying, “What have we been doing?” Is it possible that some weeks just slip away? 

Main event of the week: Levi officially turned 5! WOW! Has it only been five years that we met him face to face in Provo, Utah? Simultaneously, has it really been five whole years? What a little man! He negotiates, he plans, he prepares, and sometimes I forget that he’s so grown up or I forget that he’s not yet an adult. He’s full of delightful surprises. We found an awesome Thomas the Train mountain/tower/loop thing at a thrift store for $6. It has entertained all week. Keller really loves Thomas’s wheels (oh the joy of battery power!) and Levi has sweetly shared the joy. We bought paper Ninja Turtle masks and party hats for the celebration. And balloons. The Ninja Turtles continue to be with us everywhere. Wes took him and the boys to Toys ‘R Us for the first time yesterday to give him a broader perspective of what he could buy with his birthday money (I was at the temple). He proudly came out with three tote bags: Buzz Lightyear, Lightning McQueen, and Ninja Turtles. The three loves in useful form. Levi can’t wait to get his own library card this week and fill up his own bag. He can’t wait for tomorrow’s swimming lesson to carry his own towel and extra clothes. He woke up with them this morning and probably would have carried them to church if allowed. Life just rocks. I was kind of a lump on his actual birthday, but we did pull through with a semi-decent airplane cake and we did spend two hours at the pool after swimming lessons. Thankfully, those things combined with presents and the general awesomeness of birthday made for a wonderful day. And! Wesley came home early. Can a birthday be better than that? Last Sunday Wesley gave him a birthday Father’s blessing in addition to the usual monthly interview. They discussed helping around the house. Levi has thoughtfully been helping more without complaint or even request. His ability to observe and act blesses our family.

We successfully finished level 1 of swimming lessons and begin level 2 tomorrow. All three boys would live in the pool if they could. It’s hard to get Keller’s face out of the water. Levi tries to figure out how to flip under the water in 3 feet. Lincoln grins, climbs, and attacks. It’s near swimming.

The hospital where Venice will be born just began a new “OB Navigator” program where they talk with each woman registered to deliver there, go over the paperwork and insurance, make sure that they have all the signatures necessary, etc. so that they don’t need to do that while the woman labors. Genius! They also provide a personal tour if desired and go over your birth plan to ensure everyone is on the same page. This is mostly for first-time moms, I think, but they asked me to come in and I asked if the boys could join me. The paperwork section went pretty quickly as a result of many helping hands. All of them loved the tour. They wanted to know more about how the bed works, the baby warmer, what Dad will do, etc. They charmed all of the nurses. Levi may actually pursue gynecology. When Keller saw the Jacuzzi he pointed excitedly, “TUB! Bubbles!” All of this, plus contractions, plus Venice dropping some, helps us all feel more and more excited for our little girl.

We hiked to “Lair O’the Bear” yesterday. The entire loop is close to 7 miles. We didn’t realize that. We only went the first mile and a half or so. It follows a creek/river that we happily splashed/threw rocks in on our way back. It also passes a private property castle complete with turrets, a water mill, landscaping, etc. I guess the owner rents part of it out for special events. It was a gorgeous, cool, breezy day and the trail wasn’t that crowded. Hurrah for mountainous living!

I hosted book group for the first time in Colorado on Tuesday. It went well. So many good people wherever you go. Wesley has finished his assigned tasks through August, so it looks like he’ll be doing some “housecleaning” work for his project. Hopefully they’ll be able to come together and balance that with more meaningful work.

Add in lots of other stuff and hilarious commentary from the boys and that was our week! We love you!

Summary in Doctrine and Covenants Style

Paragraphs 1-3: Wesley’s trip to Idaho and class reunion, 4: Swimming lessons and associated adventures 5: Special conversations with the boys 6: Levi 7: Lincoln 8: Keller 9: Reflections on allowing growth 10: Venice is coming, each day closer Conclusion and farewell

1 Wesley attended his ten-year class reunion this weekend. Flying from Denver to Boise is really slick! He left early Friday and was home in time for dinner on Saturday. Even though he was basically gone just a bit more than a workday, his absences always make me (and the boys!) more appreciative for all that he does. Dinner, bath, bed, and life are just not as fun without Dad. I just don’t play hide-and-seek as well. And he’s so attentive and enthusiastic about our daily report—whether it be building a tower out of the couch cushions on the bed so they could touch the ceiling, seeing a garden snake for the first time, or just finding shoes. Wes is a fully-involved father. I don’t even dare imagining parenting without such a happy partnership. Plus! He endures so well! The poor man takes such good care of me even when I’m hormonal, moody, whale-like, and whiny!

2 He enjoyed the reunion. One of the things that impressed him as well as increased his general feeling of hope is how many of the people there are married and having kids. Most of the people our age that we associate with think we’re crazy to have a family; these guys were very supportive and even excited about our fourth. Many of them are quite successful and happy in what they do. In contrast to teen years, the group was just happy to see each other because of the shared commonality of high school class. They met for dinner on Friday night then at the park with families on Saturday afternoon. They are talking about doing a 15-year reunion. Wes felt the whole experience was so great that we’ll probably attend mine next year (not in the original plan).

 3Other benefits of the Idaho trip included being able to go to the temple with Christine and saw off some tree branches with Chad. We all wish he could have had more time with them. They are refreshing—and so busy doing the most important things! Wes returned loaded with toys and jam. We’re spoiled! Wes also met with a professor he knows at BSU; it turns out that some of Wesley’s UT research could benefit him. Fun intersection.

4 Swimming lessons continue! The boys are tuckered out. After swim one day, we continued celebrating Levi’s birthday by meeting Wesley for lunch at Tanglewood Park (near NREL). Then they all buried each other in the sand rather than running around. By Friday (our day off from lessons) they were content to sleep in and build towers out of couch cushions. Lincoln even napped! Levi loves swimming. I think it liberates him. He jumps in, bombs in, plugs his nose and goes. He kicks and scoops. I don’t know how much Lincoln likes it. He likes the water; he likes the wall. He doesn’t really connect with the teacher (who doesn’t pay much attention in general…this week I’ve felt nervous watching them in deeper water and wondering how long she’ll ignore him while he dead-man floats…) Keller surprised me on the day we got in the water. He blows bubbles, kicks, and knows what it means to use his arms like “ice cream scoops.” His favorite thing is to kick while trying to float on his back. All of them are entranced by the “deep pool” and the lap swimmers.

5 One of the other fun things about swimming lessons is the conversations we have while driving. Lincoln asked when he’d be resurrected; he doesn’t want to be whipped or be crucified. Somehow in our teaching about Jesus, Lincoln has internalized that when we die we’re all tortured and crucified and that it might continue after resurrection! No wonder he’s been worried about the mean guys resurrecting him! We clarified. Levi helped a lot. We testified of Jesus’ purpose on earth, or Lincoln’s purpose on earth, and we all felt the Spirit. Very special. Another time, Levi wanted to go over “how girls are made and how boys are made.” By this, he means XX and XY chromosomes. They’re all attentive on these explanations. Forgive me if my budding gynecologists ever share things with your children…they’re curious, they ask questions, I answer. We’re all comfortable and straightforward (until they start talking easily about the process of childbirth after primary and nursery—that’s when I wonder if I should hesitate!)

6 In our constant hero-play, Levi told Lincoln, “I’m your side-kick, so I’m Robin!” They ran around saving the world. (For the record, I am either Splinter or Wonder Woman. The deal is I get to wear more clothes as Wonder Woman—both for modesty and because there’s no room for Venice in that slice of fabric!) Because he is five, he decided that he’s old enough to have his own library card. He eagerly waited for Thursday, chose his card, and tied it to one of his new bags (purchased with birthday money) which is now his library bag. He’s extremely proud and protective. He also discovered that our library reading program cards result in prizes. While all of them could have totally blacked out the card in a day, I’ve tried to slow us down and make it a little more deliberate. He still led us on a determined walk to read signs followed by a few songs and more reading. During a rare moment of just me and Levi time, I read Levi his birthday letter about his spiritual gift we saw during the year (hungering and thirsting after righteousness). He wanted to look up the scripture references and talk more about the stories of Enos and Nephi who asked questions in their prayers. When I fell asleep, he quietly played in the other room. I woke up and he grinned at me, “I tricked you! You fell asleep and I was quiet so Venice could grow, grow, grow!”

7 Lincoln has become a little teacher. He wants to show me, but especially Levi and Keller, how he does things. I often hear the phrase, “Let me show you how…” with instructions on turning shirts right-side out, digging holes, climbing up or over or through anything, popping balloons, etc. He has been writing me notes and giving them to me, which is darling. He also picks me flowers. Primarily dandelions. But also lilies from the library flowerbeds, columbines from the neighbors, a few others I’m not sure where they came from; but he protects them so diligently through all of his adventures until we arrive home and he can dump them in a cup of water by the sink. Since the flowers are for me, picking them can’t be wrong in his mind. I asked him today if he wanted to go to preschool. In our discussion he expressed the desire to have preschool at home (other kids might come occasionally), and he’s really excited to be the oldest leader. I’m not sure what the best thing to do for him is. Interacting with other kids and adults would probably be good for him. He thinks I’m his personal gym. He spent the last ten minutes of nursery sitting on my shoulders and head today. After he leaped on me/Venice (and she retreated even lower if that’s possible), he kissed my tummy, gently whispering, “It’s okay, Baby, I will kiss you at night and in the morning time.”

8 Last night Keller kissed me all over, patted my cheek, grabbed my face, kissed my mouth and laughed laughed laughed. When I mention that it’s almost time for Dad to come home, he stakes out by the door saying, “Dad! Dad! Door. Door Dad.” To pass the time he smashes the bugs that sneak through the screen. He surprises us with his words. He has so many but prefers to use the all-purpose DA! He quickly learned “quiche!” and “box!” among others. What we hear most is “PEN!” and “PAPER!” He would wander around with both all day if allowed. He scribbles on more surfaces than the other two have combined. At church today he put his click-pen in my purse without my noticing. He screamed until he could find it. Kind of hilarious. At Costco, our deal is that the boys can run on the empty aisles (usually they are Ninja Turtles calling back and forth to Michelangelo, Raphael, and Leonardo). When the big boys took off, Keller—holding about 18 samples—would pat his strapped self and giggle, “Me too? Me too?” We went to the ward service project yesterday a bit late. They didn’t have much direction for us, so we cleaned all the chalk boards, sanitized doorknobs, and vacuumed. Keller found wrappers and threw them in trash cans. He also wiped down the chalkboards. He’s not one step behind in understanding.  

9 I need to let these kids grow up. They’re all ready to take over the world. I struggle releasing them, I guess. Sometimes I wonder if I’m holding on so tight in an embrace that I hold them back. They understand and are capable of so much. I don’t have little babies anymore (at least for another few weeks). Where did they learn to take care of each other and our family so well?

We made Buzz Lightyear helmet/wings out of boxes. And crowns out of paper. And masks. And they can sign most of the alphabet. They can quote scriptures. They care about missions (Royal: Lincoln often prays for you to drive safe—however that translates into your life!). They pray for the apostles and they love the Savior. Special, wise spirits in such wiry, energetic little bodies.

10 Venice heads on downwards. I’m pretty sure the dilation process has started, but I don’t have a consistent contraction schedule. With her I actually have to sit down sometimes. Annoying, but probably good. I had two disparate dreams this week with the same tone and woke up thinking about packing the hospital bag. I’ve avoided this since I don’t want to be overanxious. But the two dreams connected to each other convinced me I better get going. If nothing else—we’re prepared! I think she’ll be early. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a day. Maybe she’ll tease us and be late! Hopefully early enough to meet Grandma and Grandpa Cole when they come in July!

That’s enough!

Picture Update for March, April, May

 At the Thinkery with friends in Austin

 Hot dog roast!

 Outside the Thinkery

 Mud-fights while I tried to pack the garage in Austin...

 Another classic family picture

 Goggles! Snow! In May! Welcome to Colorado!

Happy Mother’s Day! We are grateful for our mothers, their faith, and the continuing nurturing we receive from them. It seems like they are always full of miracles and the right thing to say. This week when I was starting to feel a little frazzled Christine sent me an e-mail that just jolted everything back into perspective for me. Somehow in these weeks of transition, I’ve forgotten what boys need, how we have usually filled those needs, and how we’re still finding the best energy outlets for those gaps. She reminded me of exactly what I needed. My mom is also always ready to help and serve us and everyone else. I think one of the reasons I’m addicted to making cookies is because it helps me channel my mom, remembering her delicious treats and how she listened to me jabber endlessly (and still does!) as I worked out my thoughts and feelings. I’m really hoping I can teach our kids to communicate to us the way she and my dad did. What a gift. And we have such wonderful grandmothers and great-grandmothers. We’re so blessed by them.

The boys and Wes plotted my Mother’s Day with care. They gave me orange tulips (which Lincoln stomped on but amazingly survived). This morning Levi woke with purpose and colored some paper to wrap gifts for me: blue because it’s my favorite color with 3s all over it because that’s my favorite number. Wesley helped them wrap a new whisk and a huge Ghiradehli chocolate bar—in addition to Blue Bell Rocky Road ice cream. I’m spoiled, it’s true. Levi also made me a flower in Primary “because I wanted your day to be special.” Lincoln and Keller gave me big hugs. And Wes and I had a date in nursery and sent the usual leader to Sunday School and RS. I love dates with him!

We’ve been thinking a lot about mothering this week. This is in part because I’ve been struggling (not a big surprise given my letters!) to keep it together. We have been blessed by a series of miracles. One came as a dream. I’ve had drowning dreams for years and years and years. I always drown. I die and wake up. This week I had a few symbolic dreams that weren’t of my normal kind. One was surprisingly a drowning dream. Point: I woke feeling much more hopeful. It took me until the next evening to realize that I didn’t drown! I’d stayed under water watching sting rays and angel fish and light swirl all around me, feeling out of breath and baffled—but I didn’t drown no matter how far I was pushed under. I could still see and feel the light. Sometimes that is how parenting is. Swirling, dizzying, but so full of God’s light that we do not drown. There was more to it, but I’m still figuring it out.

On Thursday Wesley and I were asked to give talks. We didn’t have much time to work on them, although we did have some wonderful conversations about honoring mothers, how the plan of salvation is a plan of family, and what it means to nurture. This morning both of us only had a few scattered notes. Levi woke last night with nightmares. Another miracle, he calmed and slept in. Lincoln and Keller slept in. We had time to make our notes a little less scattered. I’ll attach mine on nurturing. I focused on 2 Nephi 25:26 but have no idea what I actually said; the Spirit was there—so our prayers were answered. Wesley talked about how we can honor mothers giving examples of the mothers of Helaman’s army and how these were young men who were mothered by a community of faithful people. He pointed out that President Packer teaches that God shows us His love by giving Priesthood power and authority. Heavenly Father has also given us all motherhood—no matter where we are. This is a power and authority that all living have access to. I would give more details, but I didn’t actually hear the talk. Lincoln had to use the bathroom right after the sacrament. Levi came along. In the midst of their adventure I heard Keller screaming in the hall with a very sweet and helpful sister. Lincoln’s potty experience took almost the full duration of Wesley’s talk (20 minutes!). This did make for a more reverent meeting for others, though!

As I write this, I watch Wes teach Levi and Lincoln how to make a snowman. Yes. Snow. Golden is supposed to have over a foot of it by tomorrow morning. The snowman is as tall as Lincoln and the green leaves still flutter beneath the white. The yellow and purple irises that bloomed this week still wink and sway in the flurry. For the first time since we came here, the big boys said, “I like Colorado! Let’s stay here!” (They’ve been repacking their stuff to return to Austin and “Shane and Julie’s house!”). Another blessing! Plus we(s) had just enough time yesterday to cut the dead branches off of trees, finish the major weeding, clear out a garden plot, and mow the grass. We’re ready for the snow! Keller loves it as well. He tried to kiss it and catch it.

A few adventures happened this week. Surprise!

While working in the yard, the boys once again flooded the stairs and un-filled flowerbed. I can’t keep up with the three of them. Before I could stop them, they made mudballs and flung them at the house and at me. Boys! The water is super cold here. The big boys put the hose down Keller’s back. Poor kid. Their sweet mother showed them exactly how that felt, then we had a long warm bath. Keller floated! They blow bubbles and pretend to swim. We registered for swimming lessons (starting first week of June); they can’t wait. We bought a medium outdoor pool for them to play in (after the snow melts). It has sharks. They have goggles—which still live on their faces most of the time—and life is just so, so good.

We met some new friends at a new park next to a lake. Geese everywhere. Keller didn’t care a bit about the awesome climbing playground: he only saw the geese. He chased them, attacked them, squawked at them—even after one charged him, hissing. They appreciated him more when we tossed them his sandwich. As we drove to the park, Levi brought his Book of Mormon to “read” to us. Every time we turned he read 2 Nephi 2:25. Then again, and again, and again. Lincoln started to softly remind him, “We turned again, Levi, you can stop now. Levi you can stop now. Levi: stop reading!”

After emptying their dresser again, the big boys surprised me by putting them all away!

We invested in a clothes line. Drying clothes has never been so exciting. We’re still learning how to keep the line tight.

Lincoln knocked over the 3-shelf bookcase in the toy room while it was still filled with children’s book. Why is everything a fire truck or garbage truck? He did help put it away.

They built forts out of smashed boxes. They whispered all morning because their “kids” (Peter, Bluey, and the Elephant) were sleeping. Levi told me, “They had a rough night, so they’re really tired.”

At the library we entertained quite a few people when we tried to leave with 40 books Lincoln discovering a huge book basket to dump (after we’d just cleaned up the trains…) and Keller finding the children’s computer and Levi color coordinating the blocks on the shelf.. I was sweating by the time we left—but we came out successful!

Keller loves wandering around with a blanket over his head. This accounts for quite a few bumps and bruises. We have no idea what he’s thinking. He also loves clamboring up the table then dancing on it before we say, “Keller, get down…” He grins and giggles, moving with alarming speeds for such a little man. He also teases. He often poops then points to Lincoln and tells us Lincoln needs a “diaper” change. They both think this is hilarious.

On that note, Lincoln decided to pee all over the new bark in a park by our house. Good grief. He’s not very good at standing to urinate, so he waddle-ran all the way home.

Our sound for the week is “L.” Levi has made great improvements and has pointed out our sound since his speech session. This is an important sound with a Levi, Lincoln, and Keller. I hear him practicing “Look! Look!” instead of “yook.” He told me, “I want to go to half-day kindergarten because you really need me here.” It’s true!

We stayed up late watching “Frozen.” We’ve heard enough about it and the music that we finally saw it. The boys enjoyed the experience, but were very confused. If you want our commentary (and we have some!) call—this letter is getting long enough! I wonder if the focus on social ineptness is a reflection of how many people feel because we communicate less face-to-face now than ever.

In Venice news, I’ve officially decided to deliver her without an epidural. My last doctor visit was a huge relief. This doctor assured me that they’ll support whatever I decide to do. She was very thorough. I connected with her. I think I need to calm down because it will all be okay. Wes and I are working on pain management skills. I’ve been praying to be prepared. In one answer, I went to bed with a migraine. Instead of improving, I woke at three in so much pain that I couldn’t sleep anymore. I spent the night and morning in the bathroom vomiting. I tried to distract myself by biking, but stopped because my first contractions of this pregnancy began. We’re right on track as I’m a little over 28 weeks. Here we go! I can’t believe we’re getting close to meeting our little girl in a couple of months.

Wes finished his third week at NREL. He continues to love it. Already he’s ahead of schedule. He meets new and talented people. We’re just immensely blessed.

That’s the long update. We love you!

I stopped taking pictures in February...

We decided that the best thing for us to do yesterday was go to the temple. It rained and thunder-stormed all day except for when we were there—so the boys were able to be outside! Tender mercy. Most of the people in the temple were temple workers and those attending marriages. Wesley and I both had time to ponder in the Celestial Room. My heart just overflowed with gratitude for the temple in general and for our amazing development in Texas. The last four years have refined us. We are closer to our Savior and Heavenly Father. I feel honored that we could grow so much as a family here. I thought of D&C 109:22, “And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them.” That is my prayer leaving the temple, leaving Texas, and leaving our house whenever and wherever we go.

On Friday I had my 20 week ultrasound. Ace is definitely a girl. Therefore, Ace is Venice Christine. She did not like us invading her privacy or jostling her around. The others performed in their ultrasounds; she balled up her fists and rolled over. We couldn’t even get a profile picture of her! I was pretty entertained. Thankfully everything looks just right with her—which is always a great relief. I met with Dr. Loar for the last time. I wish I could take her with us to Golden. She’s just so steady and kind and capable.

Levi has been waking with nightmares (not “bad” dreams he informs me, just “scary”). Last night he flew into our room almost faster than he could open his door. He trembled next to me for a half-hour. Poor kid. We’re working on empowering him. One night Wesley checked on him. They looked at the pictures of Christ and the armies of Helaman on the wall. Levi said that even though he can’t see Jesus with his eyes right now, he is going to pretend that Jesus is watching him close—just like the picture is right over his bed. What sweet faith.

Lincoln has also been waking up around four. Thankfully he goes back to sleep. He asked if he could have a uterus and a baby in his tummy, too. Haha! He has determined that I am the Rat (he can’t remember the name “Splinter” and has given up trying—which is hilarious). When he can’t find me in the house he yells, “I’m going to find the rat. Hey! Rat!” I’m Splinter because baby Venice is going to be April and I take care of all of them. Lincoln loves the story of the Beauty and the Beast. Mostly, he loves the Beast. We found the Jan Brett book at the library. He studied it for days. Running errands have never been so easy!

Keller clearly said, “Bubbles!” when he saw that I’d thrown some old blowers away. He’s discovering the convenience of communication. This increases his motivation to try to articulate. One of our letters of the week was “V” and he diligently made the “VVVVVVVVVV!” sound. He knows all of my body parts, but isn’t really interested in labeling his own (unless we’re playing peek-a-boo). And, glory of glories, he can open almost all of the doors and climb chairs up to the dining room table—so nothing and no one is safe. Mobility: so wonderful and horrifying.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. Thank you for your help in Wesley’s thoughtful gift of helping me not think about food! (Bless him!) We used up our gift card to the Cheesecake Factory without any meltdowns, football games, or casualties. Levi asked me what I wanted and I said, “Happy boys.” Of course he snorted indignantly, but they all tried very hard to be happy and get along. I’d call that a perfect birthday!