Ah, the day they emptied their entire dresser and all the folded clean clothes to make a swimming pool...

 Campout!

 Levi learned this from the young men passing the sacrament.

 This is last week's Edgar group party.

 Levi's first fish.

Wes took the boys to their first Fathers-and-Sons campout this weekend. They also brought three boys from the ward whose Dad lives elsewhere. We’ve been talking about it for weeks. Levi has almost forgotten about his birthday in the anticipation of the campout (he still wants a white tie with a loop and a black wallet that fits in his back pocket like Dad…). Levi and Lincoln each packed their backpacks on Friday. Levi started squealing and quivering, “I’m just so excited! I’m so excited!” He thought they should be gone for three days rather than one night, but that didn’t worry him too much. Once Lincoln was assured he could bring his blanket, he was ready to go and live in a tent. His only annoyance was not being able to wear shorts for that less-than-24-hours. When they returned home, he immediately changed into his athletic shorts. Despite the jeans, Levi is covered in bug bites that we’ll have to keep an eye on; he’s obviously sensitive to whatever bit him or the bug had some nastiness in its bite. They went on a little hike, borrowed a friend’s fishing pole and caught little fish, ate uncooked s’mores (burn ban), and slept all through the night. Once they got to sleep. Lincoln struggled calming down. I can’t blame him. Nothing but a mesh top covering the sky, an air mattress, and Dad. He woke up in the morning shouting, “It’s light! It’s LIGHT!” As they prepared to come home, they reminded Wes to use the bathroom. He continued talking with some of the men. Levi ran up to him, “Dad! You need to use the potty so you don’t pee in your garments!” Haha! Then—to extend the fun—Wes mowed the lawn and sprayed when they came home. Oh, the joys of manhood.

Keller and I enjoyed each other. I read and scribbled. After his morning rest, we went to the central library and just browsed poetry and music and the perimeter of the different levels. We had planned on going to an art museum—but decided to do that on a free day instead.

Levi and I went to a speech therapy assessment on Monday. He’ll be starting PALS (preschoolers acquiring language skills) in the fall: two hours, once a week. The SLPs noted that his vocabulary is extensive; we just need to work on articulation. He may not need speech therapy by the time he reaches kindergarten. He’s a ham and they were basically swooning before we left. He wanted to know why he can’t start now. We’re looking into swimming lessons for an outlet in the meantime.

Today in Primary, Levi had to use the potty. He didn’t ask for help wiping (we’re still practicing this skill)—he just did it by himself. When I picked him up, his teacher told me that they tried to clean the back of his shirt off as best they could. Levi was extremely proud of his independence. We’ll be proud with him and keep practicing. Poor teachers!

We went to a puppet show this week. All three boys sat quietly and attentively (maybe they should dim the lights during sacrament meeting?). After it was done, Lincoln wanted to pet the squirrel puppet. Levi had loads of questions he needed answered “right now.” The puppet show  featured a man chopping the trees down in their yard. Since then, the broom, golf clubs, and utensils have all become “axes” to “cut down the trees!” Timber-man Lincoln started it.  They pretend to have puppet shows from behind the couch. Usually they struggle determining if they want to be the puppets or the puppeteers.

Lincoln had a few weird nights. Generally he is out cold and then wide awake once morning comes. He moaned until 3 a.m. two nights in a row. Since the doctor told me to come right back if they acted weird or slept differently, we all hauled to the doctor’s office. Thankfully, his ears and everything else is just fine. Lincoln wants to live in a box. Left to his own devices, he played in it alone for over 30 minutes. He continues making up games and climbing everything. He’ll be very happy once he can learn the art of real rock climbing. If he hears a loud noise (or even a small noise) he pauses dramatically, wide eyed: “What was that?” Pause. “THUNDER.” He says this in a serious, slow monotone. During one of the eventful brother-biting battles, I put Levi in timeout. Lincoln ran to the door and unlocked it, “I need to play with Levi! I need Levi!” When he wants something he doesn’t think about asking, he just figures out how to move forward and get it. I’m trying not to panic about this and be grateful he’s assertive. Especially since he can reach the lock to the front door and he’s discovered how to move chairs all over the house for anything else he wants.

Keller’s first tooth is officially out! On the bottom middle. He’s wasting no time in gnawing everything. His second favorite thing is my chin and jaw—which he munched all through 3^rd hour today. I had my hair braided up the back and by the end of church he had pulled most of it out and slobbered all over it. I remembered why I’ve stopped trying to look cute or even put together. Like Lincoln, if he sees something he desires, he doesn’t say much about it. His squawking stops, then he grabs. He grabbed his spoon, filled it, and shoved it in his mouth this week. Why kick or make noise? Just do it. He found his toes and the goodness of pulling off his socks and sucking on them. He’s currently rolling all over the floor with a broom that is barely longer than he is. He grins at his brothers—even when he should be horrified. Lincoln screamed in his face over and over again while I tried to wrestle on shoes. “Keller likes it!” he insisted. I looked up to see Keller giggling. Good grief. Not another noise maker! Just kidding, I’ll take all of them the way they are. We’ve accepted that he’s not into naps longer than 20 minutes, but I’m trying to honor his rest times regardless. Thankfully, he’s one very happy boy.

Wesley is in full swing summer work. He had some inspiration on a project he thought would take a few months and it might take a few weeks now. His office is quieter since some of his group members have gone to internships. He’s trying to pull things together since fall will primarily be dedicated to applying for the next step (whatever it turns out to be) and teaching. He’ll do it.

And I’m still caught in the conundrum of learning to love people. This is why my calling is compassionate service. I took a sister I visit teach to the ER on Monday night, kept her kids (the ones we watched for three weeks), then picked her up at two a.m. We’ve been bringing meals to one lady for weeks every other day. She called to tell me everything that’s not working—like they don’t call beforehand. I brought her meal yesterday, called and texted five times with no response. Needless to say, she’s upset with me for not bringing food when she needed it, as I knew she would be. Alas. Moral of the week: I don’t know all that people need or all that they are dealing with. So I need to shape up, trust the Lord, and press on.

I’m only a third of the way through Wives and Daughters—but I’m happy to talk about it at any point! I recommend Bomb: The Race to Build—and Steal—the World’s Most Dangerous Weapon by Steve Sheiken. Well done. It’s YA, which is always interesting in nonfiction.

Happy Mother’s Day! LDS.org showcased a Mormon Message on mothers today with the phrase, “Life didn’t come with a manual; it came with a mother.” (Of course I was bawling before the thing even began. I hate Mormon Messages. I always turn into a puddle.) I spent a large part of church going potty with the big boys, going to the mother’s lounge with Keller, and thinking about all the mothers, mother-friends, and mothering I have in my life. I thought about how Christ loves His mother and how He teaches us the best way to love, serve, and teach others—which is what parenting is all about. Strangely enough, the phrase, “Neither do I condemn ye” has been going through my head. Christ lifts us up and teaches us a better way. He never damns our progress. He helps us build bridges and use them. Isn’t that part of what we should do in all of our relationships? I’m grateful for mothers. I’m grateful for my Savior who allows me to have mothers and be a mother eternally. What a gift. Thank you.

Levi practiced “I Often Go Walking” all week (without prompting). He pointed on the “of you.” When the time came for him to actually sing it in sacrament meeting he walked up with the other kids shyly but confident. He pointed exactly right. And he’s extremely proud of himself. As he should be. I doubt the other Sunbeams could sing all the words right—but maybe they could. I don’t think I saw any of the other kids…Then Wesley played the piano for the Elders’ Quorum to sing “Love At Home.” He had also practiced all week. What a great way to celebrate. Lincoln gave me the paper he colored on in nursery, then kindly asked for it back. And this morning all three little boys greeted me with a kiss instead of screams. Oh the wonder!

We’re all a little sick with a new round of something. Allergies? Something else? Who knows? Lincoln had a follow-up doctor visit Friday. Dr. Holmes checked all of their ears. No infections, yet, but they’re all on the brink. Hopefully it will clear up with rest? Keller has so much eye drainage that he can’t open his eyes in the morning. Poor guy! Still, he smiles through it all.

Since it is officially summer term, Wesley can work from home as needed. He’s been coding, researching, and learning about Energy Institutes and what they do. We enjoyed having him around for lunch for two days. Going grocery shopping is a totally different experience with two adults involved! Welcome summer! Yesterday we organized an end of the semester gathering for Wesley’s research group. We met at a park, grilled hamburgers, chicken, and vegetables and talked away. I brought cookies. Obviously, I do not appreciate homemade food. Eating with them always makes me want them to come over so I can feed them. One girl had only eaten jam for three meals in a row! We had a great time and took notes on how to improve future gatherings—especially since we’ll organize more of these when Wesley becomes a professor. Such good people.

Wesley and I had a tender experience this week. Wesley and his good friend/colleague had a misunderstanding on Wednesday. This friend helped us find our house, has watched our kids, and is just a good, thoughtful, hard-working man. Wes felt sick about it (and spent about two hours composing two e-mails that were about a sentence each). We stayed up talking about how to repair the damage, understand our friend, and show increased love for him. Both of these guys are so solid and humble that they smoothed it out fairly easily the next day. The conversation we had was invaluable, though. Working through conflicts (however small) really can strengthen relationships. I wasn’t involved directly—yet I still benefited! I feel like the Spirit helped us all grow, individually and together. Isn’t it amazing how God uses even our mistakes to teach us and help us grow?

Also on Wednesday, we had some friends over for dinner. We met them at the park. The boys love Eli and Laurie and I just click. Lincoln let Eli sit in his chair. Levi let Lincoln sit in his chair. Keller waited patiently while I helped Eli with his soup. Then Keller gave up on me, grabbed his bowl of applesauce and lifted it to his mouth. Levi giggled, “Keller’s drinking his applesauce!” And so he was. When you need something, why yawp? Just figure it out. Wes went to mutual and our boys played. Laurie felt like Eli was all over the place; I thought it was one of our quieter, more civilized meals! They just bought a house so we won’t be in the same neighborhood. Thankfully, we can still be friends. I love friends.

We’re trying to figure out how to teach ourselves and our boys about interacting with others and sharing attention. Please share your ideas! Levi had some perfect behavior and then some perfect meltdowns. Lincoln ran away a few times. Keller screamed. And we all survived. At the library they all exploded a little: people were either running away from us or running toward us with stickers. Quite funny.

Keller moves. He rolls. He grabs. None of this is new, he’s simply better at it every day. Significantly better. Once he decides to get something, he figures out how to pick grab it—and expresses his frustration when we take the desired object away (for his safety). He picks up my water bottle. He holds Lincoln’s face (which is often close to his), he snuggles Peter. He loves to kick the gliding chairs back and forth. Today someone at church said that she’d never seen such a “sociable baby” since he just “lights up when you look at him!” It’s true. He loves to have personal conversations. Come over. He’ll grab you.

Lincoln cracks me up. With everything. Especially his sentences. Three times in the van this week he announced, “I’m tired. I need a nap.” Then he was out. Wow. He told us, “Lincoln can run fast because he has big toes!” And he often goes running around, “I need the potty!” or more laughing and running away, “I just pooped!!!” Such a goof.  He separated his toys into piles, “These are for Eli. These are for Levi. These are for Keller.” So sweet. He actually shares for a while, too! He tells me, “I’m so big big BIG!” and even if his little body is small for his age, he seems older to me. People used to comment that he looked like an “old soul”; within his little mischievous plots, he does have a great maturity and compassion.

Levi directed his brothers in moving all the toys out of the toy room and onto the living room rug, in a strict, orderly fashion. “We’re moving to Colorado.” When I asked him to clean it up when they were done, he agreed. “But it takes two days to drive to Colorado.” Good grief! I convinced them to pretend night had fallen, rest by their tool bench, and then drive their moving truck and its contents back to the toy room. We made a thrift store run yesterday. When we came home, Levi cut off all of the tags, separated them from the plastic, then stacked them all according to color. He also has determined that he’s old enough to vacuum and mop by himself. He’s determined to carry an old cell phone and wallet in his pocket, like Daddy. And he needs five pens in his shirt pocket, lined up based on how much ink they have left.

My boys keep me in line! What an adventurous life we lead. I had a breakthrough revelation at the beginning of the week when I realized that I don’t plan my day around what matters most to me and my real priorities. When I list what I need to do, I tend to focus on chores. I’ve wondered why I don’t feel a lot of zest and excitement for each day—really, vacuuming just doesn’t do it for me. Then my eyes were opened! I should be planning my day around my boys and what we can do and learn together. The other stuff will get done—it’s necessary, so we’ll get there. I know this is a huge duh moment, but it took Deuteronomy to point it out to me. And I’m so glad for the perspective.

Yesterday I read Alma 27. Alma the Younger goes about seeking to destroy the Church with the sons of Mosiah. He’s extremely good at this because of his gift with language. Did his parents ever think, “Ugh! He’s opening his mouth again!” or whatever? I wonder if there was ever a point where they could only see his power with words as a detriment. Later, after Alma repented and sought to restore any evil he’d done for the rest of his life, this gift is precisely one that the Lord needed him to have. Not only did Alma clearly articulate the gospel for the people in his own time, but he blessed us with his words. A large chunk of the Book of Mormon we owe to Alma and his gift for writing, communicating, thinking in the way that he did. I’m praying for some paradigm shifts. What do I see as difficulties (even defects?) in myself or our kids that could actually be great gifts? How does the Lord want these abilities or trials used? I have so much to learn.

While driving home from a little play-date Lincoln announced, “I will marry Kyrah!” Levi proudly responded, “And I will marry Hannah! We will be so happy!” So, it’s settled. Good to have those decisions behind us.

Our world has transformed into a soccer field. Everything is a soccer ball. Have you ever played soccer with two bouncy balls on a basketball court? Definitely worth trying.

After the temple yesterday we stopped at Cold Stone. The boys each tried a flavor on the cute tester spoons. Sharing our “Gotta Have It” size ice cream was such a joy for everyone (during Wesley’s “interview” with Levi today, Levi mentioned that his favorite part of all of last month was going to the temple and then getting ice cream on the way home). Levi miraculously fell asleep on the way back to Austin. He awoke wailing, “I want ice cream! I need ice cream!” then fell back asleep. Sometimes our similarities disturb me! He has been sounding out letters, finding words like “not” and “tip.” I love that he loves reading and words. He brims with goofy phrases: “Dad, you’re my biggest fan!” or “This food [vegetable frittata] is really, really yummy!” or “These berries are for you! We can chop them up and boil them and they will smell good to help Keller sleep!” He has transformed part of the toy room into a kitchen where he labors diligently with bowls and measuring cups, then sneaking into the kitchen for a bit of whatever I’m making.

Lincoln wants to know where everyone is. We can’t pray for someone without specifying at least their state, preferably what they are doing at that moment. (This proves difficult for President Monson, but even for our cousins!) He worries about keeping track of everyone, often checking on Levi and Keller then reporting back. We met our friend Eli at story time; Lincoln looked around and asked for him until he arrived. Then he shared my lap with Eli and Keller. I subbed in nursery today. He shared so easily and so well, just going with the flow. Sometimes, he gets this little glint in his expression that says, “I wonder what will happen if…” He loves to pick out reactions. Levi is especially entertaining to him. Good grief. Lincoln throws, hits, and screams in extremely premeditated ways. Levi has chosen biting as his retaliation. No one is really happy about the arrangement. He’s adventurous and likes to test boundaries. We put him in a big box with a toy hammer this week and he “fixed the roof” for a half an hour. He just needs an outlet. Don’t we all!

Keller wants to crawl so much. He swims and shuffles around on the floor. He likes to find something that he can push with his feet. That’s the only time he stops rolling around. The poor boy is probably a bit dusty (I do try to keep up on the floors, really, I do). He took a few decent naps this week, but usually just has too many things to do. Squealing, laughing, shimmying until he has a bald spot on the back of his head. He discovered the bathtub faucet and tries to grab the water. I love when they do this. He likes to hold my hand while he nurses. His hand flails around until he catches my fingers. He doesn’t want to hold onto my shirt or just clench his hand, he wants me right there, squeezing tight. So far, he’s pretty good at figuring out how to get what he wants. These boys arrived bound and determined.

Wesley had a conference in San Antonio on Tuesday. I sent cinnamon rolls with him to share with his colleagues; poor souls don’t have homemade food that often (Wesley: And Cassie’s cinnamon rolls are heavenly, “You want to taste something directly from Heaven?” –name that movie). We shared dinner with the missionaries and had book group on Thursday. We ran around crazy and seemed to see a lot of people and do more than we should have been able to do…and now the week drains into the next. To be completely honest, the boys are quite over-stimulated and I’m not sure how to bring us back into a balance. We’ve learned a lot from sharing our home and lives with others over the last few weeks. Still we struggled to act in the way that we should (especially for introverted and uncompassionate me!). I don’t know if Benjamin and Cheyenne had any benefit from being at our house every day, but I hope they felt the Spirit and I hope they felt loved. Much to reflect on. I’ll leave it there.

 Sweet potato face

 Looking at a bug on temple grounds

 Wes made the dog pancake.

I’m home with the little boys. The Teachers Quorum is teaching missionary lessons on Joseph Smith and the Restoration to pretend investigators. I was going to be one of those, so I’m a little bummed. Next time!

Lincoln has hay fever type allergies and catches everything; I don’t think his nose has stopped running since September. Sickness doesn’t faze him at all, though. Thursday his eyes looked sunken. The next thing we knew they were draining nasty green everywhere. Double ear infection. I had no idea. (I’ve said this before…) He didn’t complain about it. He continued jumping off of chairs, the Cozy Coupe, running, playing football and soccer with pretend shin guards, and just his normal self. Rather than having us move into the pediatrician’s office, Dr. Holmes did Keller’s follow-up when we brought in Lincoln. He’s clear, but on antibiotics for a few more days. I have a sinus infection I went in for on Tuesday and finally buckled to antibiotics yesterday as it seems to have morphed into something else, including eye gunk (which is totally nasty). We’re hoping Wes and Levi don’t catch it. Antibiotics rock, though. This morning we were clear enough that we could go to sacrament meeting. We all feel like we’re aborning. We’ll come out of it eventually! Miraculously, we haven’t really been debilitated. All that we’ve needed to do we have done—and more.

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Cole for the doctor toys. Levi and Lincoln love them. I have a lot of instructions about being okay in the morning, getting sick at night and taking “One cup of medicine” (I guess we buy it by the gallon?). They’ve given shots, covered it with Band-Aids, taken blood pressure. Keller usually acts as the cheerful patient. Levi walks around with the stethoscope draped around his shoulders. I tried to convince him to rest the ear buds around his neck, but “Dr. Holmes wears them like this and I am Dr. Holmes.” Sure enough, we went into his office, and the stethoscope was draped over his shoulders. Way to pay attention! I let the boys bring their doctor toys to our visit, which distracted them from the real tools. Phew! He walked by the nurses proudly, who oooohhed and aaaaahed over his doctor get-up. Then I told them that he was Dr. Holmes—which made them gush. Of course.

The word “favorite” has suddenly become important. Levi told us that his favorite part about Friday was seeing Dr. Holmes. Lincoln ate ¾ of a blackberry container, “These are Lincoln’s favorite berries. These are Lincoln’s FAVORITE berries!!!” Wesley’s Rommel book is his “favorite.” Keller has told me in a variety of ways that sweet potatoes are his favorite along with nice close-up conversations—which is good because he’s always got brothers in his face. Food in general is a favorite for everyone. The boys discovered a love for mangos, homemade chicken noodle soup, and all things dessert. Lincoln is often so full he informs us that he only has room for breakfast and dessert.

Levi really astounds me. He’s been a missionary all week, serving in Ukraine. This morning he told us he’s going to sit by Uncle Royal in church since he is a missionary in Ukraine. “Two Elder Coles!” He was also “Lettuce Man” who is a “mean guy” that eats everyone’s food. Sounds mortifying, doesn’t it? Don’t worry, “Taco Man” saved the day and taught Lettuce one of his true purposes. (For the record, “Spinach Man” is a nice guy according to Levi.) When we made bread, I told him I needed five cups of flour. After I put in two, he said, “And now we need three more.” So we did a little impromptu addition/subtraction which he loved. (And I marveled. Maybe he’ll replace me on helping with our finances!) He led our FHE lesson/discussion on family rules and what we should do about it. We’ve got a while, yet family counseling with the boys just thrills me. I’m trying to teach him to say, “I feel overwhelmed” simply because it is easier and more accurate than “I am tired and hungry and thirsty and frustrated!” With extra people over every day, a couple of extra play dates, sickness, a few rainy/no outside days, he’s tried even harder to stay in control. Monday he cleaned the entire toy room (including every Lego) on his own, by his own initiative. He felt better after that. He’s been taking deep breaths; I think we’ll probably try guided meditation this week. It’s better than screaming, biting, hitting, and general cries for help. I want to empower him and help him articulate the situation so he can use his agency better. It’s amazing when you realize the things you can control—and when you know Heavenly Father will help you succeed!

While Levi serves in Ukraine, Lincoln serves in “U-pan!” and his “high school.” He serves in shorts, though. We decided to take the gradual approach to potty training with him a few weeks ago and it seems to be a good thing. He wears a diaper, but uses the potty. This week I heard some beautiful words, “I need potty!” so we ran. Completely dry days are so awesome for everyone. After he finishes he likes to jump off the stool, saying, “HUG!” Potty training can be such a happy time. He wants me to kiss him on the top of his head before I leave the room; he needs to kiss the top of Keller’s. (No wonder we’re all sick? At least we’re well loved!)

Keller grabs everything. He learned that he can pull my hair out of my ponytail or braid and eat it. He reaches for my plate and any food. He blows bubbles when he’s done nursing and splatters us both. He loves to roll across the toy room rug while his brothers play. And he rollsrollsrolls. Yesterday he charmed everyone we ran into at the temple. One lady practically followed us around the Distribution Center (we were even reverent!). Finally she said, “Can I just hold him for a minute? He’s just so beautiful!” He loves girls and smiles and teases them. We had friends over on Friday night for Pinochle. Keller decided not to sleep and we brought him down for a while. He cooed and talked and practiced his new sounds with Vanessa. Then he looked at Todd, tilted his lips upside down and bawled. Eventually he decided to make friends and charmed us all—before falling peacefully asleep. Between new solids and antibiotics, the poor boy has been a little constipated. Or he just likes to go at church. He must feel comfortable there.

Wesley works away. He’s almost done with his paper. Then he comes home and stabilizes us all. How would we ever make it without him? I feel a little giddy every time I look at him, even on T-shirt days when dinner may or may not happen and we have frosting all over from teaching a 6-year-old to make sugar cookies. He brings a feeling of peace, reassurance, and love wherever he goes. I’m grateful he chooses me! After a day at the temple yesterday, Wesley chaperoned “Mormon Prom” (4 stakes of Laurels and Priests who don’t have a chance to mingle that often) and then helped clean the building. He got home around midnight. The Energy Institute is going to collaborate somehow with a similar institute in the Netherlands. Dr. Edgar included him on an e-mail for input. Student exchange, potentially post-doc, is a possibility. Wouldn’t that be an exciting adventure! Anything could happen before we head out wherever we’re supposed to go in a year. Our life is the best kind of party!