"Shall I confess a truth?" I'm tired of it. I feel self-indulgent, boring, and not very literary. I hate the desire to theorize and defend everything I do and my aim has always been much more than telling stories. So if I never write another essay again, I think I'll be just fine.
I told PM that I haven't "lost confidence" as he suggested but that I don't care anymore. He kind of panicked (am I apostatizing from the sacred genre! Please--no more genre!) and said, "We need to talk." No thanks. That sounds too much like an awkward DTR. Too many people have asked if we're married already--I don't need to define any genre or relationship with him for a long long time.
This is not to say
that I don't like essays
or poetry
or writing
or that I think I've totally wasted the last lifetime
but that there are people and things that are much more important and I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster I am about writing. I can't stop, but I think I can stop caring.
cassie,
ReplyDeletethis is so interesting. can we talk soon? do you guys want to come over sometime and eat at our house, before you move to Texas!
I think writing—like most things in life—involves seasons. After I defended my thesis, I had to let things sit for a while and my husband got worried that I didn't want to write anymore. I did. Just not right then.
ReplyDeleteI think you're wise to fill up your life with other happinesses during a writing lull.