Things to Talk About At Dinner, try this exercise...

At one of my baby showers a delightful woman gave me John and Julie Gottman's book And Baby Makes Three because "the kid will be fine--it's your marriage I care about!" (She and her husband also study home, marriage, and family development--she's deeply interested in the growth of all marriages). It's a decent book. Wesley read it also and laughed. "Why do we need PhD.s to study 15 years of couples when prophets have been telling us to love each other since the beginning of time?" Then we said, oh yes, prophets and their definitions--not an agreed upon idea. While I don't put Wesley and I in a category that this book really benefits us (some things we just don't do--like yell at each other, avoid each other, speak different love languages, argue about money, etc. This is because we base our relationship on quality and thorough communication: I'm obsessive about that and he understands and nurtures that obsession. And we're blessed enough to realize that we agree on almost everything once we talk the subject through--even politics. Surprise). But the book is interesting. For example, in the last ten years 91% of fathers are present at their babies' births. Hurray for dads and hospital progression! The primary theme of the book is that as you strengthen your marriage, your entire family will be strengthened. The kids benefit from your continuing love.

So. Some open-ended questions to touch base on:
1. How can I be a better friend to you?
2. How have your goals in life changed this year? (What are your goals in life?)
3. How can I be better to you?
4. What changes would you like to make in our/your lifestyle?
5. What is the biggest challenge for you being a (fill in role: mom, dad, brother, student, researcher, etc.)? What is the biggest joy?
6. What legacy do you want to build for our children? What traditions/stories would you like to continue (both daily and larger)?
7. What rituals do you want to establish in our relationship? (Financial, romantic, holiday, etc.)
8. What renews and refreshes you? How can we do this more?

Wesley's a natural at asking these kinds of questions. And I'm weird. A good combination. Last night we discussed what advice we would give to a daughter or son in a physically abusive marriage: stay or go? (No conclusions really. My violent response was a strong go after I knock the jerk around for a while. But they really love each other. What about the sanctity of marriage? Both are seeking individual and couple help. What about the kids? We wouldn't want our child or child-in-law to be in that situation). In the morning we often talk about what we're reading in the scriptures or Ensign or what we should do because of what we're reading. Topic of the last two weeks has been providently providing for each other, our family, and others around us. Along with comments from Joseph Smith since Wes is reading The Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith for a class. Mostly, we just like talking. This is the reason we go to bed late, why we have to hurry to school, why we miss each other so much during the day--there's so much to talk about and analyze and wonder about.

Will this change once Charles arrives? Inevitably. We'll still love talking and our subjects will expand: should his poop look like this? When should we teach him to ride a bike? How do we encourage his interests without overscheduling him or our family? How will we ever find alone time? Does such a thing exist once kids come? But we're so excited. I've been sleeping in lately because I can't sleep at night anymore and the hope is to "gather strength" for whenever the real contractions settle in. Wesley will wake me up with a kiss, then kiss my belly and talk to Charles. We're both completely smitten by our little dude and he's not even here. (When will he get here? Not today. Hopefully before June 10 and induction dates...).

I'm not really a sappy person, but I think about Wesley (the majority of my thoughts center on Wesley and Charles--another shocker for the world) and then I just revel in how overblessed I am to have a man who wants to jabber with me (or just let me jabber) endlessly about both meaningful and silly things.

A few questions we discuss when silly:
What does your favorite color taste like? What part of nature would you be today if you could? Describe home as a person? What if we named Charles...? How would your family respond if I did...? If you could do anything right now, what would it be, why, and why aren't we doing it? What mix-ins do you want in your ice cream? How do you become more attractive every day?

And we're off.