You (I) Know You're (I'm) Pregnant When...

1. Well, the first clue is obvious: plus, when you're already waiting to miss your period and watching it intently, you figure it out pretty fast.
2. It's not the first pregnancy. What they say is true. At two weeks the pants already felt constricting. Wear them anyway.
3. You start spilling on yourself, on your child, on anyone that is around at least once a day. Don't count the times that aren't too obvious--it's reassuring.
4. Vomiting becomes a humorous family activity. Your toddler pats you on the back as he laughs. Your neighbors start wondering if you're bulimic.
5. Please don't talk, or think, or plan anything to do with food. Even now, nothing sounds good. Water. Water is good. Why do waffles suddenly smell like cookies?
6. Except for those few weeks when all you wanted was pizza.
7. It takes you all day to plan dinner (see 5). It took a week to plan an elaborate barbecue chicken dinner, and it takes all day to put it together with your last pieces of chicken, last bit of barbecue sauce, and last rice. Forget to turn on the oven. Of course, you don't notice for 4 hours when the chicken has probably gone bad. Your husband hugs you and tells you the budget can expand for a dinner out.
8. Constant bloody nose.
9. You mimic your one-year-old's schedule, with more naps.
10. You cry just thinking about Finding Nemo. The dad. The little fish with a hurt fin. The mom. The thousands of dead babies.
11. You dream of miscarriage at least twice a week, nightmare otherwise, and wait, hoping not to lose this lemon sized baby.
12. You open the dryer to find wet towels from three days earlier. Oops.
13. You still differentiate between the dream world and the real world--but now it's worse. It demands bodily action. When the wind blows through your window at 5:30 a.m., somehow you're convinced that deathly harm has befallen your son. You leap ("fly" in your husband's words) up, but crash into the door frame rather than gliding through the door, and collapse on the floor. This is probably a good thing, since you would have passed out from moving that fast otherwise. Once you figured out that your face took the hit and not the rest of you, and that your son continued to sleep on peacefully--the swollen lips were just laughable.
14. You start to enjoy your 3 a.m. bathroom break because you are oh so happy happy happy for this little child.